Breastfeeding- it gets easier

We are over 3 weeks now, and despite all the trouble with having to pump and block-feed due to his trouble processing lactose, I am happy to say that breastfeeding DOES get easier. For a while there I was tempted to call it quits (though never would have); it takes a lot of time and hurts! Now that I am three weeks in, it is still taking a lot of time, however I am happy to say that the pain is slowly lessening. I am very glad I am sticking with it, I just hope that my supply will be okay with the block feeding, and that Pi will continue to want to feed.

Best baby purchases

So far- of all the thousands of things and dollars that we have spent, there are three purchases that have been a stand out for my sanity (two were purchased after the baby was born).

The Ergo carrier:


(Not me in the photo by the way).
Little Pi just loves to be walked in this. If he is screaming because of tiredness, or pain from gas- this carrier just about always helps. And he always falls asleep. It means that I have been having lots of walks around the park at the moment. It is better than our pram because the footpaths around here are really rocky, to it's a bit of an effort and very bouncy to take Pi in the pram, but the carrier can go anywhere.




Bed in Bed:

We bought an awesome crib for Little Pi- but from day one the only place he likes sleeping is in my arms. Because I am so paranoid about co sleeping because of the SIDS risk- this seems like a much safer option. Basically it has two little pyramids that stop pillows from suffocating the baby. That combined with the fact it is easy to keep the blankets out of his face and easy to move him from my arms and into his little bed- it is brilliant. We also have him in Halo sleep sacks, so it keeps him warm without the need of blankets. My husband is currently sleeping on a futon on the floor because there isn't room in our double bed for the three of us, but soon we can move his bed in bed to the crib which is joined to our bed.
 


Fisher Price rainforest bouncer:

This we bought late night to help with his colic (before we realised the underlying cause was gas trouble). It has a vibration function, and the best thing is that it has given me the use of my arms again. Up until now, every time I have wanted to put him down he would only stay down for a few minutes in his downstairs cradle, but now he is actually content to sit or sleep in this thing. It is really lightweight and portable too, so I move it into the bathroom when I want to have a shower. So far, it has been a lifesaver.

Terrible gas

For the last 5 days, our poor little boy has been screaming (on and off, in pain). On Saturday, we put it down to colic- that maybe he was just having a bad day. But Sunday, the crying got worse and it changed to a pained cry, instead of uncomfortable. We tried everything- making sure he wasn't hungry, or dirty, or cold, or hot, or bored or tired. He didn't have a fever, or any strange rashes. Walking seemed to settle him somewhat, but only for a time, and by Sunday afternoon we had no idea what to do.

We researched so much info on the internet, and found things that helped colic. We tried it all, including going to babies R us at 8pm at night in order to buy a vibrating bouncer chair. By 10pm, he wasn't improving so we googled the nearest hospital and rushed off.

The hospital itself was dead quiet- so different from Triage in Australia. We had a bit of problem because Pi hasn't been added to our insurance yet, but after a bit of explanation in my bad Japanese, they let us go through anyway. I has also bought his birth registration from the city office, just in case they needed proof of who he was.

Nurses came over to look at him and take his temperature, while I tried to explain that he won't stop crying. After a little bit, the doctor called us through and after we took off his onesie, his belly was super bloated. Crazy bloated- to the point that when the doctor put his hand on Pi's stomach, 3 minutes later there was still a hand print. He wanted Pi to have an extra (which I was super worried about and asked about radiation), but the doctor said it was okay (and afterwards, talking to Mum she said it was probably necessary to rule out other problems). It was just horrible gas in the little tyke's belly.

They gave him an enema to help things move down there (even though he poos and pees like crazy- we go through about 16 nappies a day). and it did help a bit. After that they gave us an expensive bill (37000yen), but they were good enough to give us until the end of the month to get Pi's health insurance and come back, and there will be a 30% discount off of that. Thank goodness!

The next day, Pi was slightly better, but as the day wore on he got worse again. We had been looking up every trick in the book for gas- different holds, special leg moves, baths, rubs, massages- you name it. It was so heartbreaking to see him red in the face, clawing at himself, back arching in pain. The next morning I had had enough and thought that there has to be something that I can do. We went to the paediatrician and he gave us some medicine call Biofermin (which is a probiotic apparently).

It is slightly helping. I have since been speaking to a lactation consultant and doing a lot of research on the internet and it looks like he has a lactose overload. To cut a long story short, here is what we are doing:

• Lots of rubs/burps/leg moves
• Pumping in the morning to get rid of lactose rich foremilk and he gets more fat rich hind milk.
• Feeding him from only one breast per feeding
• not feeding him so much 
• no more dairy for me to rule out a milk protein allergy
• lots of walks and moves to get the gas moving through his system
• I've ordered gripe water and colic medicine from Iherb
• Mum will bring over 'infants friend' medicine from Australia.
• I will order more probiotics from Iherb when they come back in stock.
• I will drink fennel tea (for his gas) and miso (for natural probiotics)
• Me eating less sugar, and a lot more fatty foods. 

Lets hope it all helps. 

Stay at the hospital

Day one went pretty well. I went down at 6:30am and fed little Pi and had some cuddles for a while. After, the nurses ran me through how to change the cloth nappies they use at the hospital, how to mark his wees and poos on the chart and how the baby sensor works (The alarm that sounds when it no longer detects movement). Pi had to be checked by the doctor, so it wasn't until about 11ish when he came up. I was so happy to have him in my room. The poor little guy has been scratching his face, and surprisingly the nurses haven't really done anything (I did point it out). Husband is bringing the nail clippers and mittens tonight so at least I will be able to do something about it. The formula lady came and spoke to me about the benefits of formula, and later one of the nurses showed me how to make it.

I was always adamant that I wanted to breastfeed exclusively (even with the formula given the first night), but from about 8pm to 2am, Pi was waking and crying, so after feeding him, burping him, rocking him, cuddling him, I gave him a top up of formula (about 10mls). I felt bad at first, but it really helped. Mind you, neither Pi nor I slept well last night (or not really at all). I think I had about 2 hours, so I will have a nap in a bit. Pi has been sleeping well all morning though (mainly cuddling in my arms) so maybe he is just confused by when Mama needs to sleep. We will get there, and I am sure there are many more nights like that in the future.
The food, however, has been really great. Super healthy and loaded with vegetables. Very Japanese though.

Day 3
Pi is clearing out his system well, which is great, and latching on like a champ. I was a bit worried about nipple confusion as I read so much about the warnings in the books, but so far (touch wood) he seems to have no problem sucking away. Though whether is it comfort sucking or not, I don't know. Speaking of clearing out the system, I cleared out my own this morning. Thankfully, it wasn't the solid block I was dreading (I have heard it is like giving birth again sometimes) and hardly hurt at all- at least that is one thing I have. Maybe it is all the super heathly food. Yay! The stitches are slowly healing- it still hurts like hell to cough or really even move, (let alone sit) but they ARE healing. My tailbone is also really starting to hurt now, but I am sure that will pass. Don't get me started on the nipples,but that might also be because of feeding every two hours....

Today, I also learned how to bathe Pi "japanese style". I HATED Japanese style. Basically it involves filling a bathtub ALL THE WAY and holding the baby in so he is floating. This was really hard so me to do, and I was fretting about him squirming and me drowning him. Basically, you wash areas bit by bit with a gauze cloth and soap. Very different to what is in the books that it recommended in the west, which is now to not
bathe the baby until the umbilical stump falls off, and then it doesn't need to be everyday, nor do you need soap- and certainly only a little bit of water. Ah well, I know that Japanese way now though, and Pi did survive. We also cleaned his ears and nose and stump after too (the stump was cleaned with ethanol- again, something that has shown to be not needed).

Day 4-
Pi doesn't like to sleep at night. He is awake with his eyes wide open so much, but then come the day and he sleeps the whole time, where I have to wake him up for feedings. Too bad I can't sleep the whole time though. His feeding is going really well. I am so happy. The nurse is getting me to weigh him before and after a feeding to see how much he is drinking, and feed by feed he is drinking more every time. Sometimes he is finished after 10mins, but most of the time it takes about 40mins, mainly because he keeps falling asleep, or just enjoys taking his time. I am sure it will get better. His leavings are slowly turning more yellow than black or green too, and he is leaving a lot of leavings, so he must be drinking well. Because today was Sunday, we had extended visiting hours. 10-8pm today, instead of 3-8pm (those are the hours for husbands too), so most nights when Husband finishes work, he gets here about 6:30 and has only an hour and a half to spend with us- which really sucks. So today we had a nice day just sitting around in my room and him having lots of cuddles with Pi. Today, I also had my check by the doctor. Apparently the stitches are healing well and my utereus is now the size of a fist, so all is good there. I have also had another blood test (hopefully the last one in a while) and Pi had a heel blood test, but looks like the results are fine, and he is not jaundiced (which is lucky, because they keep in them in a box for 24hours here).

Day 5
Pi still likes to play at night, so I am running on about 11 hours sleep in the last 144 hours. You can imagine how tired I am, but I look at his little face and suddenly it doesn't seem at all that bad. He is very awake right now, so hopefully his habits will start to change a little bit. The nurses come in an check all the time, which is great for health, but not great for sleep. I finally got Pi to sleep at 3:15am, and at 3:45am the nurse came in and woke us both up. Needless to say I wasn't incredibly happy with that. Ah well. I did have an absolutely lovely foot massage this morning. A 30min complimentary reflexology session was included in the stay- and it was absolutely magic. I usually am not a fan of massages, but obviously my body needed it. I also had another final check from the doctor, and all is well for my discharge tomorrow. One slightly annoying thing though, is I have been billed for 8 days, even though it is more like 7 if one works it out like a stay in a
hotel (Tuesday-Tuesday). Oh well, babies are expensive, and so far this clinic has left us 304000yen out of pocket (not including the monthly checkups)...

Here are some pics of my room and the food over the stay. Three big meals a day and an afternoon treat. It was delicious!

Birth story- Having a baby in Japan

It all started on Tuesday morning (22/04). I had been leaking a small amount of fluid (tiny) for what was months, but put it down to regular discharge. On Monday morning, the fluid was just a little bit more, and Tuesday morning, even more ( though still small amounts). I also thought that I noticed some vernex in the fluid so thought this time that it definitely was fluid and not just discharge. I just assumed leaking a little bit of fluid was normal; but with the vernex in the liquid this time I thought I should investigate.

So on google I jumped- which is always dangerous, but can be helpful- and the little bit of leaking seems to occur when one has a hindleak. Apparently it isn't unusual and often repairs itself. Seeing as I had to go back for EFM (foetal monitoring) the next day anyway (They wanted me in twice for week 39 to keep an eye on things as they are quite cautious) I thought I would give them a call and see what they would say about this. The asked me to come in with my hospital bags (just in case) and see the doctor. Sure enough, I was leaking a tiny bit of amniotic fluid.

Even though I still had plenty of amniotic fluid, my doctors here are paranoid about bacteria entering. The doctor was telling me about this very quickly in Japanese so only I caught the gist of it (My Japanese isn't great). It wasn't until he left and the nurse asked where my bags were did it occur to me that they wanted me to stay. So to my very surprised "you're admitting me?!", and their "yes", off we trundled to get my bags out of the car.

After, they put me in the labour room to take some antibiotics while I waited for a different doctor- who told me that they would induce labour today. I was so surprised, but as Pichan was 39+2 at this stage, I knew he was kind of close to being baked anyway; and if it is for safety reasons (even if a bit extreme) then I thought it would be best. The nurse hooked me up to an iv (ouch) with a drug called 'atonin' in it, which is a type of synthetic oxytocin, and off the contractions gradually, but fairly painlessly, started.

 It was about 9am when I called the clinic and probably about 10:30ish when the first little contractions started. I called my husband to let him know what was happening (though I had already been keeping in touch so that he knew what the plan was) and told him that labour is starting today.So nervously and excitedly he left work and got to the clinic about lunch time. The contractions stated off quite weak, just a little tugging, but that was about all. By 6pm that night it was a fair bit of back pain, and definitely stronger contractions. It was a long day of waiting for something to happen. They were checking me every few hours but I hadn't dilated past the 0.5 that I was from before I was induced.

At night, the doctor came back in and told me that I had to sleep in the hospital that night and that they would start the drug up again early the next morning, and soon after I would have my baby. We begged for my husband to stay with me the night, but it was a firm no. We didn't fight too hard as we knew not much would be happening that night, and he was only a 20min drive away from the clinic if it all went down during the night. I was labouring in a kind of dual labour ward- two beds with a little table area in each and a curtain between them- but for sleep they moved me into the private labour room which had a little more space and a bit more privacy. The bed, however, was still a hospital gurney and hard as a freaking rock. They switched the drug IV to a glucose IV after dinner sometime, but by about 10 I was begging the nurse to take the IV out as there was no way I could sleep attached to an IV all night, especially one with a ridiculously short cord.

That night I didn't sleep. Though, with two hourly fetal monitoring checks, the concrete slab I was sleeping on, not being with my husband, and being excited to be seeing our little baby soon, there was a snowballs chance in hell really. As I am writing this I can't really even remember if I was contracting during the night. I think maybe mildy, definitely nothing worth complaining about. At about 2am I spoke to the nurse on duty who was taking pity on the poor foreigner who couldn't sleep and mentioned that maybe they could move me up to one of the hospital stay rooms (used for after the baby is born) upstairs, but thought it might be difficult. Not wanting to cause trouble I said not to worry about it. About 30mins later I called the nurses station again to see if I could move, but because a different nurse came she said I couldn't move up to the 3rd  floor. So I tossed and turned for a little bit longer, but luckily the original nurse came back and said they had prepared a room for me.

 I was in that room from about 2:45ish and managed a whole hour of sleep before I woke up. I knew I was getting monitored from 5:30, so at 4:45ish I gave up on the notion of having any kind of sleep and came back downstairs to brush my teeth. I would have killed for a shower at this stage, not only because I didn't sleep and felt super scummy and hadn't showered for 24hours, but also because when they gave me a blood test (after I was admitted) I nearly fainted so I had broken out in a cold sweat and was still super clammy because of it. Because of the water leak though, they wouldn't let me shower (even though I had been showering with the leak for weeks). At 6am the drip went back in. It took them three inserts of the IV to get it right. I have thin veins and they were using a very thick needle. Every time it went in and filled with blood was terrible. Eventually she called another nurse to insert the IV and third time was lucky. The first day the IV was in my right arm  and after destroying the vein on my left arm, they put it back in my right. Mind you, it took three pokes to do the blood test the day before so my arms were starting to look like pin cushions.

With the drug back in my system the contractions got SUPER painful, super quick. By the time my husband was allowed back in at 7:30, they were quite painful (originally they told him he could come back at 10am, but then we got it down to 9, then to 8 and finally to 7:30am; they HATE bending rules here). From then on, things only go much worse and much more quickly. The oxytocin was jacked right up, and by 10ish the contractions were hella painful and coming about 2-3mins apart. My dilation was checked at 11am but I had only dilated to 2cms (after many many hours of the drug) so they decided to break my bag of waters in order to speed it up and make the contractions even stronger.

After that it was like nothing I had ever felt. They say that when the waters break it becomes painful and strong- that COMBINED with the god awful amounts of oxytocin meant that the contractions started coming every 60 seconds, and lasting 90 seconds. I did so well for such a long time. I tried to relax throughout them, doing all the things suggested in all the books. I tried swaying, and bouncing on the fitball we brought with us, standing, on all fours, rocking- really you name it. Nothing worked. It didn't help that I was also attached to an IV and had continuous fetal monitoring so my movement was only about 40square centimetres. My back had swollen up like a balloon. My poor husband was doing so well, coaching me through each contraction and trying to relax me, and massaging me the whole time (because the throbbing NEVER went away).

The next cervical check after my waters broke only had confirmed me at 3cm. We were all super shocked that I wasn't progressing faster seeing as how strong it all was (the contractions were unbelievably painful- between the water being broken and 2 days of oxytocin that was being pumped in me). For the next 5 hours I laboured non stop, the contractions lasting almost twice as long as the tiny break between them, in which the pain never faded. By 4pm, I was still 3cms and not moving at all. I was told my cervix was hard, and because of that I wasn't dilating any further.

At this stage, my strong mental wall had collapsed. The pain of 'transition' lasts on average 20mins to 2hours, and I had been going all day. My mind couldn't handle it any more. I begged them to stop, but they couldn't

give me any thing to stop the labour. I begged them for drugs, but they wouldn't give me anything- not even a freaking Tylenol (even though that would be like trying to fix a decapitation with a bandaid). We told them how in Australia, they have cervix softening gels to help with this (They must have gotten quite sick of "in Australia..."). Apparently, they have an injection they can give to help soften the cervix, but ONLY at 4cms. It seemed my body and I had reached a stalemate.It wouldn't go past 3cms with a hard cervix, and I couldn't soften the cervix until it did. Pichan did not want to come out, and it seemed that no amount of pain, or synthetic hormones, or even breaking water was not going to change Pi's mind, or my body.

I begged them to call the anaesthesiologist to give me an epidural, but she needed to be booked weeks ago, and they wouldn't make any exceptions. By this stage, it was probably hour 30something and I couldn't do it any more.

I tell you there is nothing more heartbreaking than being told that the I pain was going to continue. Though, pain really isn't the right word. It had moved into suffering. My husband and I had spoken about our options before the doctor came in, and though we HATED the idea, we asked for a C-section.  You couldn't believe our shock when we were told it WASN'T an option (We left out the "in Australia, a labour

that fails to progress with all other options tried gets the baby taken out", but we refrained). At this stage, I started crying, though I probably already was from before. I really just wanted to vomit. They weren't giving me any options but to endure it. I couldn't believe there was NOTHING that they were going to do, or help with. The nurse tried rubbing my back, and bringing in lavender aromatherapy oil, but all I was thinking was "really!!?!". Some nice smells aren't going to help me.

The doctor came back about half an hour later and told me that they would turn off the drug for the night and that with my waters broken I would labour naturally and hopefully have the baby tomorrow. By chance, Thursday is also the day when the anaesthesiologist is at the clinic doing consultations and said he would ask her tomorrow morning to do a special favour by giving an epidural that wasn't booked. Though, he didn't sound like it would be a guarantee that it would happen.

It took about another hour or two for the contractions to go from every 60 seconds, to about 4 minutes apart. They were still super painful because of my water being broken, but without the drug to intensify them and the slightly bigger break between them it was more manageable and I tried really hard to get my focus back on relaxing through them. This time, we begged again for my husband to stay overnight; and maybe because of the sheer amount of pain, or pity, or lack or sleep I had had, they reluctantly agreed.

They also brought in a futon to put on the hospital gurney to make it a bit more comfortable for me, but there was no bed or trundle option for my husband (and men were not allowed to be up on the 3rd floor so we both needed to stay down in the labour room). There was a little Japanese sized two seater couch though, so he slept on that.

By about 10pm, the contractions had spaced to about 6mins apart and somehow (I still have no idea how- probably due to exhaustion) I managed to get in about 3 mins of sleep between them. By midnight, they were about 10 minutes apart. I wouldn't say I actually slept, more like was in and out of a light coma every few minutes for most of the night, settling between the pain of contractions (still strong so I needed to sit or stand to get through) and fetal montioring checks. We gave up on the idea of sleep at about 4am, and at 5am was attached to the foetal monitor again.

I was feeling a little more confident, until the nurse checked me at 6am and even after labouring all night I was still at 3cm. I was so disappointed. I really felt like Pi wanted to stay in there and my body agreed. This time, I had 'slept' with the IV in the night before (The night before the nurse was looking at possible places to insert the needle and because my veins were so poked, it was looking like they would need to insert it on the outside veins of my arms; but she wasn't liking the look of the veins there because they were thin too), so at least I didn't have to go through the IV poking again. Next thing the nurse comes in with the bag of oxytocin AGAIN. I was under the impression that I was going to labour naturally, but nope, back to the intense induced contractions. By about 7:30 they were back to their painful peak and my optimistic attitude of relaxing and breathing through them was almost out the window again.  I only held it together with the hope that at 9am when the anaesthesiologist came in, that I would finally have some relief. The doctor came in a little before 9am and checked me. I was finally at 4cms! I was so happy. I was high fiving the nurses and everything. I had heard that they wouldn't give an epidural before 4cms (whether or not that is true in Japan, I don't know), but either way it meant that I could get the softening shot even if I couldn't get an epidural.

Thank goodness that shortly after the anaesthesiologist came in and she walked me through some of the side effects, but I was just like "gimme, gimme gimme", because of the pain. Even when she was about to leave and she remembered to tell me the cost (an extra 80000yen- $800 about) my husband and I were like- "we don't care" in unison. It took her a little bit of time to prep, but surely enough she came back and by 10am, the needle was inserted and the medicine was turned on. I'll save you the boring bits about the epidural- but while it is true that the needle hurts, I would take that and the catheter over not having it ANY DAY. They had a bit of a different one- one that only numbed the uterus so I could still feel my legs, cervix and perineum, but the contractions only registered as a bit of movement.

I became the happiest person in the world at that stage. We were approaching 50hours, with no sleep, no relief and no showers (This was quite important to me- though I did get a sponge bath the night before though from the nurse) and to finally go for more than 10 minutes without intense pain was the biggest joy in the world. I finally was able to WANT to distract myself with a movie or something, where as before all my focus had to be on getting through each contraction. The nurse checked me (she was so much gentler than the doctor; I forgot to mention before that even though the cervical checks normally don't hurt- or didn't

when I started labour, by the time I was in labour they were hideously painful) I was already at 5, next thing I was 7, then 8, then 9 in the space of 2 hours. I could feel the pressure from Pi's head at my cervix with each contraction and called the nurse in at 12pm, who then was surprised that I was ready to go, but wanted me to hold off for a little bit so that it wouldn't take to long to push.

 I think I was on the delivery table at about 12:30. They had turned off the epidural and once again

rammed up the oxytocin to get the contractions super strong. It was at this time that it was confirmed that Pi was posterior (head was facing front)- NOT the position you want. Which meant that I had old tender hands (that's what we were sarcastically calling the doctor) put one hand up inside, and the other pressing and

jostling and pushing on the outside trying to get Pi to turn. At this point I broke out in a cold sweat and

was about to vomit or pass out, but luckily that went away soon enough. Pi really didn't want to turn though and the epi had completely worn off, and the intense contractions meant I had to push.

Luckily, tender hands only came to observe occasionally and went, and I had a lovely midwife doing the delivery. She was great and had supported me throughout the day, so I felt good to have her at the steering wheel. I adopted the crappy Japanese' laying down in the stirrups' position and started pushing, and it started feeling so good. I remember thinking- what are these women complaining about. It was sweet relief!  Because of the Oxytocin, the contractions didn't settle down and were coming about 2 mins apart. After some time in this position, they got me to lay on my side to help move Pi around. Pushing from that position felt really weird and not very effective. Pi still wasn't turning though, so they got me on hands and knees (I was so surprised that they had even heard of this, given their strict 'feet in stirrups' position) and we tried it like that. By this stage I was grunting and everything was starting to strain. Funnily enough, the word for "push out a baby" and "strain" is the same in Japanese.

They wanted me to breath the Japanese way, which was two long breathes to relax and then strain and count to 10 while pushing as hard as possible and then do it a second time. Very different to the 'work with the contractions technique I had wanted to do. They brought my birthball out of my room and I held onto that for a while, but as Pi wasn't turning they got me back to lying down. I remember my husband being very supportive, though I had to ask him to speak quieter as he was getting so excited but stressed that he was practically yelling "relax". It was quite funny. I also had to tell one of the nurses that her hand was heavy (she was resting it on my knee) between contractions. I really wanted to tell her to stop touching me, but thought that would be nicer. Luckily, I don't think she was offended and she removed the offending hand with no problem (This is still all in Japanese).

Finally, it was getting closer- though it was easy to be disheartened as I thought I was getting close so many times,-as I was told when the doctor put his hand up there. Though, I could feel it go up much higher than I would have liked before he hit the baby's head. The room started filling with nurses and midwives that were there for a gawk at the foreigner in labour. I always thought this would annoy me, but I was so focussed on bringing this baby down and with the contractions coming every minute and a half I didn't have time to think about it. With every push the doctor and the nurse had their hands on either side of my opening and were pulling me open to a disturbing degree(Think 'goatse'). But after a little bit of time the doctor informed me that I would need to have an episiotomy to try and bring his head through, and failing that it would be the vacuum or C-section (now he didn't mind giving me one!).

I agreed straight away to the cut (after swearing before this all started that I would never want one and would prefer just to tear). I need to mention that by this time I had been pushing for 2 hours, and not once every 15 minutes either, but pretty much the whole time (every minute-two minutes or so). I was certainly pushing more than I was resting. He did give me anaesthetic before snipping me, and I really didn't feel it. Apparently my husband heard it; but because it was during a contraction I didn't care about the cut. I had my own things to focus on. Getting Pi out was so much harder than I thought. I could hear the nurses say in Japanese that his head is there and encouraging me to push harder and longer each time. From about that point I became so determined to finish this labour. It took about 4 or 5 more pushes, with super straining but finally Pi's head was free. The noises I made surprised myself. Up until the last few pushes I was doing the 'quiet' Japanese pushing thing. But at the end I couldn't help it with the straining and pushing.  I couldn't really tell that his head was out because I was so out of it, but my husband was so happy and then on the next contraction I pushed the rest of Pi out and they plopped Pi on my belly. Not skin to skin as they put a parchment over my labour gown. At least, I am pretty sure they put Pi on me.

But- It's a boy! I was looking down on his little cone head  and blue body (I think, I was so out of it with exhaustion), but it was only for a moment or two as they took him away to clean

him up. They didn't give him back to me though, instead, he went into a warmer for an hour. I knew that they would do this as I was told before I went into the delivery room. I was really unhappy with the idea at that time, but I knew I wasn't done with my labour and vaguely remember to listen to him cry. I was so out of it that I didn't ask if he was okay, but as no one was panicking and my husband was dancing around, torn between looking at the two of us. So I think I instinctively knew he was okay.

The doctor started tugging on my placenta and eventually, it also came out with a bit of pushing about 10mins later. At this point I was so relieved. It was finally over.

54 hours worth and we finally had our baby out. The doctor then took to the task of stitching me up. I vaguely heard the nurse say something about trouble with his shoulder as he was coming out, and

given that he was facing the wrong way- the damage down there was pretty bad. It took 30mins to stitch me up. 30 minutes! He did so many stitches inside and all the way from one hole to the other. I am a bit afraid of asking how many I had. I suppose with these things it's best not to know. Either way, between the placenta being delivered, and the stitching, the hour that Pi was away from me went by super quickly. It only felt like 5 minutes before they were putting him next to me. I was too weak to hold him, and still had the IV in pumping me full of another chemical to help my uterus constrict. But sure enough, he was there. Peter Kai Williams.

His middle name is a western and Japanese name, which means ocean in Japanese. He smelled like the sea too. He looks like my husbands father, and grandfather; not so much like my side. But at this stage newborns are so squishy that he might look more like me a little later. Afterwards I couldn't move; between the sledgehammer that had struck squarely between my leg, not eating for almost 24hours and the exhaustion

of all the pain, labour and pushing. I lay on the delivery table for gosh knows how long. My husband briefly left to make a few phone calls to family and then came back for lots of cuddles. Which was lucky, because with Pi in my arms, and the relaxation music (forgot to mention they turned it on for the delivery) still playing I was just about to pass out. I tried feeding him, but we were both tired and I couldn't get into a good position, so we put a halt on that and let the little man sleep.

I wish I could say that I had the elation that comes with having a baby, but all I felt was relief that it was over. I cannot stress how tired I was. Labouring under jacked up levels of Oxytocin and waters being broken to make them even stronger was tough- and that is an understatement. The next few hours went by really quickly, with me zombie like. They wouldn't let us take Pi upstairs and he couldn't sleep with me that night.

It was in my birthplan that I wanted it, and 3 days before I thought that  I wouldn't allow him to be taken from me, but I was so tired that I doubted I could have kept him safe. At least I knew he was well taken care of by the nurses. There is always someone there, and they have the heart rate monitors under the mattress to always make sure they are okay.

A nurse moved us back to a labour room so that we could hold the baby in a bit more comfort, and she helped me to feed Pi. This time, there were no problems. He latched very quickly and sucked away happily. I was so happy that he was getting some colostrum. Originally we asked if they could wake me to feed him in the night; but after not much convincing from the nurse, we decided if he gets a bit of formula it isn't the end of the world. Better that I could feed him more effectively the next day and not stress him out too much either.

On reflection, I am glad that I didn't have a c-section and that we endured. I definitely feel like I experienced more than my fair share of labour and the two hours of relief that I had from the epidural was just what I needed in order to push for such a long time. I have popped blood vessels everywhere, my arms but especially in my eyes and on my face. The Japanese way of straining to push definitely took it's toll. It will take about 3-4 weeks to heal. The sheer amount of stitches had me terrified to use the bathroom. After the catheter, the first few times I peed felt like I was peeing fire, but it is slowly getting better. The stitches, however, throb like crazy and I couldn't sit down properly. It hurt like the buggery, but I am sure will also heal. I wish I had some magic pain relief spray. The only thing I have is panadol which I brought from home, which is stronger (medically) than the stuff they have here (the nurses and I compared medicine). If it wasn't for the stitches I probably would have fared much better. The most important thing is that Pi is safe and healthy, and he is. He is also beautiful. Cute curly dirty blonde hair and grey eyes. Lets see if he keeps them and gets either lighter or darker hair.

The birth was not what I wanted at all, but I have few regrets. Yes, it would have been ideal if I went into labour naturally, with a slow build up of contractions and by the time it got to the hard and fast contraction time table it would be just about over.  I am glad that my Japanese managed to keep up throughout labour and delivery, though I lost my ability to think in Japanese or English as soon as it was over.  I am glad in a way that I have 'endured' through so much, and our little reward at the end was definitely worth it.

I think sometimes of how different it would have been if I would have given birth in Australia- they may have cut Peter out of me after they saw me fail to progress- or because he was posterior. However, they would have had softening gel so that I would have laboured much shorter and more naturally. Not to mention I would have been given something for the pain. Now that it is a few weeks after (2weeks, 5days), I don't regret the pain at all. I would do it all a million times over to get my little man. The stitches are healing well, and the only thing bothering me is the haemorrhoids I developed from pushing. This story all sounds a bit dramatic, and traumatic, and I suppose in a way birth is- but for anyone pregnant out there it is worth every bit of it and I would do it again in a heartbeat. My birth experience in Japan is certainly one that I am sure to never forget...